He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
