ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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