I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
