you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
