wanna go halves on a baby?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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