was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
