Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
