Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
