remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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