Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
