God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize