I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
