We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
