the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
