It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
