she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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