I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
