He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
