Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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