Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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