I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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