literally had 100 drinks last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
