I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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