I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
