Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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