The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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