ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize