So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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