Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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