Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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