You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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