Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
