i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
if only i could text you this smell
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
