can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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