how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
