had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
