Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
