Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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