I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we're so committed to being not committed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
