bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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