Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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