So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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