Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
