I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
