jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I party with great urgency now.
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