if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize