is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
