my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
