I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
