Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
