Where did you get a picture of my penis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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