Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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