dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
