The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
