i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
