I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
