Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
