at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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