Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
