She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
