ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
