guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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