return my video game
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
