omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize