best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
