I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
