Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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