When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
