he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
