i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
