I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
