And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
